twas a day

Some things there should just not be a first for.

I got hit by a bolt of lightning last week and in a bind had to go and get a happy fun time test. Too much time in the ball pit eh?

-Before progressing with itchy said story; know that everything is good. I am Clean like Mr. and Safe like Way.

Soo. . . IN a bind I had to leave the land of medical insurance and take a stop by the Haight Free Clinic. Great place, Great people, Really helpful, too funny not to write about. May my terrified day bring a smile to your face.

It takes me 5 mins to climb the stairs to get to the clinic, Not because there are alot, heavens no there are only around twenty steps. But the man, as he tells me, who just had his 7th hip replacement is in front of me. 7th!!!!!!! clearly they had been using old red vines instead of titanium.

I check in, they ask why I am there, I stare blankly. . . how can we help you?.... COughSTDTESTcough. . . .

To check my vitals the clinic is employing the hottest student nurse in the history of hot nurses. Seriously, she was George Clooney of women hot. And as will be todays theme she asks me why I am here. However, this time I just slightly tilt my head to the side and raise my eyebrows "STD test" it comes out almost like an acknowledgement "Yeah that's right, I can do it".

My blood pressure is high she smirks. As she leads me into the room where my doctor will meet me.

The Room: is not a room. it is a kinda sorta closet complete with a street level window to put my shame on display to the man sleeping on the concrete outside.

My Doctor: is in fact a doctor. He has a name tag that says as much. He is also in fact wearing a significant amount of blush and lipstick. Howdedoo here we go. After a brief informal yet informative lecture he gives me on STDs, its pants off dance off time. Standing there with the now Venetian blind covered window breeze blowing on my back, pants down holding my shirt up staring at the celling for fear of looking down and having him meet my eyes and haivng me burst into laughter, I made a solemm promise to myself-

This will be the first and last time a man wearing makeup plays HAHA you just grabbed my balls with me.

With the pound of flesh now being taken I gave blood and was pronounced a quite cleanly 26 year old. Nothing itchy, nothing scratchy just a bit of a bruise on my ego.

Jason-1
STDs-0

I win burning pee I win