So, a few months ago in a vain attempt at both humor and a deep seated desire to "1 degree of Kevin Bacon", Charlie Sheen. I started asking Bree Olsen to be my 30th Birthday date. The first 10 tweets I just threw out into the vast twitter-web in hopes someone would giggle; and by giggle I mean fall madly in love with me. Making 15 year old me proud of what 30 year old me was able to accomplish solely by sitting in front of a laptop...Believe me, the irony not was not lost on me. In the end Bree Olsen was a no show. Guess I'll just have to shoot for an Olsen twin at my 40th birthday party now
So 10 tweets... wanna be my date for my 30th day party? Qualification: 1) Fun personality. Think Jim from the office...but slightly less handsome
2) I don't stink
3) Decently talented...I've been called the songbird of my generation by people who may or may not be my parents
4) Did I mention I don't stink
5) Though not a hippie or gay I live in San Francisco and that's pretty cool
6) I'm creeped out by magicians. So you don't have to worry about them ever coming around. That's piece of mind
7) If you aren't my date I'm going to take my friend Cool Ranch Doritos...
8) Jason Hoover= Professional Bear Defense Course Instructor. That's piece of mind if Bears get loose in the bar
9) You can bounce a quarter off my ass... And by "quarter" I mean basketball. And by "ass" I mean my head.
...finally 10) I can talk to Squirrels. Matter of fact one is next to me right now. Whats that Ben? I agree she should be my date.
No answer at this point. 10 more couldn't hurt right? 11) You probably didn't read the first 10 but 'm persistent
12) I just mistyped your name and sent a tweet to . he is not as pretty. Also, Canadian
13) Meat? pst who needs it!
14) OK that last one was a lie. I really like meat. But respect your none meat ways
15) and final reason you should come with me to my birthday party. it'll be fun
16) ugh that last one was trite. There is zero chance zombies attack my birthday party. But if they do...i'm prepared...always
16) please direct all complaints to Steve Jobs and autocorrect...wait what happened?
17) everyone who shows up gets a bunny.
18) the 3 remaining midgets from wizard of Oz will be there
Direct Message received from Bree Olsen: You won.
Direct Message sent to Bree Olsen: 19) At my birthday party the 60th guest wins a washer/dryer combo...I've only invited 30 people. You make 31
drumroll for final #20) I smell like new car smell
Fine 10 more reasons why should be my birthday date...
20) Las Vegas is only a short and Richard Branson hit air balloon trip to SF. Only the finest things
21) It's not spying that I know you are in Vegas. I told you I speak to animals. Your kitten ratted you out
22) Kitten...Ratted...Come on...
23) The single most terrifying thing that can happen to a man is turning 30 alone.
24) ....that and your childhood teddy bear coming to life and hunting you down for leaving it, "All awone "
25) My 30th birthday was predicted by Mayans
26) Mayans AND Olmec from Legends of the Hidden Temple.
27) Im trained in the art of the Harrison Ford punch. Effective against: Nazis, temple guards, people on my damn plane.
28) My impression of Robert De Niro talking to Yoda about grammar was voted "Most Hilarious" by Mothers Quarterly Magizine.
29) CHEX MIX!!!!
30th reason why you should be my date for my 30th: There's____chance____will____raspberries___into the night___Carol Channing!!
