My genius is this: What if this giant Dino they found had T-Rex's for fingers?
And for years now instead of finding what they thought were separate T-Rex's they had just been finding fingers for one giant Dino, (cue shot of a perplexed Sam Neil).
Sort of like "Alien" but instead of a mouth-monster they had Finger-Rex's
Furthermore, if this idea ends up as a Dane Cook joke or a Steven Speilberg movie, my lawyer will take issue, (cue shot of a glowering Sam Waterston).
Episode 7.5 A New Contract
cue music:Scott Boras watches Star Wars. And this is solely how he went about A-Rods new contract. Darth Vader was bad. Like- he told his kid to get a switch from the peach tree and it was a lightsaber and he cut his hand off- bad
(ugliest face in history NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)
But in the end we end up liking Vader because there was someone even worse for us to hate, The Emperor. The Scott Boras. Follow. . .three more dots to get it. . .
A-Rod comes to Scott Boras and says something to the effect of, "I want to stay a Yankee, I love it here, hitting in this lineup is like shooting Womp Rats in Beggers Canyon."
Which means easy
"They hate me though. They boo me. I am good looking and the best baseball player ever, but they would rather have Scott Brosius who looks like Aunt Beru playing third."
But Boras has been watching episode: 4-6 and he knows.
Here is the plan he says. I will do something so despicable that every ones natural disdain for me will be multiplied. Then you come along and in a moment of clarity and wisdom throw me under the bus/down the wellpowerconverterthingy.
So Boras announces A-rod is opting out during the World Series- A rebel alliance is formed
Boras says A-Rod is not coming back to the Yankees- Someone puts plans to stop him into a MAC strapped to a trash can on roller blades
Boras says A-Rod is asking for 400 million "Boras Bucks" which is roughly translated to the money pit Scrooge McDuck dives into- five multiplujillion, nine impossibidillion, seven fantasticatrillion dollars and sixteen cents
all the while A-Rod remains quite and lets the furor build. GM's says there is no way in hell they or anyone else will approach him with a price tag that large.
Just when all seems lost, A-Rod is going to be a Los Angeles Angel of Southern Californiaville and make 400 mil. A-Rod Vaders up. He claims Boras subverted him and made him throw Sam Jackson out a window. A-Rod swoops in and saves his own day. Claiming he always wanted to be a Yankee. He negotiates his own contract, which can't be that hard when it comes to 300 mil, right? And all of the sudden people start to like A-Rod. He turned on the guy who was destroying Baseball. A-Rod saved the day!
All the while Scott Boras goes on being hated, which he was anyway. And getting the best for his client, which he always does one way or the other.
